Listening Between the Lines: The Magic of the “Idle Words”

When I was a little child, I nearly worshiped my older sister. She was three years older than me, but my memories start early — and the status of someone who had been living wisely on the planet for twice as long as me was quite impressive! She was more proper than me, slower to speak, more studious, and probably a dozen other things “more than” me (including, now, a vastly more experienced heart nurse! 🥰). We can now smile at the simplicities of childhood, and having raised families of our own, we’ve both found more grace and peace — and hopefully grown a little wiser — as the years go by.

Growing up, my sister usually showed reasonable patience with me… despite being understandably annoyed by my constant barrage of chatter and questions. She was an early reader and always seemed to manage the task of being a “good girl” with much more grace and consistency than I ever could.

We were raised on the most lovely Bible stories and helpful Bible verses, and I was always quite open and curious about godly things and righteousness. One day, I imagine after she had had her fill of my constant little mouth, she quoted a Bible verse she had learned at school:

“But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.”

— Matthew 12:36

She, and by extension I, understood this to mean I needed to mind my words much more carefully. I thought Jesus was telling me to talk way less. I knew my monologue was wearying to my mother and my sister, so I tried — for at least the rest of the day — to speak less.

Through the years, I would remember that verse somewhat painfully. To be a good Christian, a good person, I believed I had to speak less and listen more.

But that changed one quiet morning in college. I was a happy but sheltered social butterfly, newly fascinated by deep study of Scripture. As I worked my way through the book of Matthew, I came across that familiar verse. But for the first time, I saw it in its full context:

“A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak,

they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

— Matthew 12:35–37

Tears filled my eyes. For the first time, I realized my chatty, social nature wasn’t a flaw — it was something created. Intended. It wasn’t to be stifled but shaped. This passage wasn’t a condemnation of my voice. It was talking about a revelation of the heart.

It doesn’t tell us to speak fewer words — as if we’re going to run out of some divine allotment. It tells us to pay attention to the kind of words we speak. It tells us to be mindful of idle words — our own and those of others.

So what are idle words? They’re the throwaway phrases. The offhanded comments. The stories you tell when you’re not being interviewed, evaluated, or recorded. They’re what come out when you’re relaxed, unscripted, or even a little careless. And that’s precisely why they’re so revealing.

If you’re in a new place, or you’ve just met someone — a potential friend, colleague, or even a job candidate — don’t just listen to the rehearsed answers. Don’t just listen to the polished self-summary. Listen to their idle words.

What do they say when you ask a follow-up question they weren’t expecting? What slips out when you’re walking them to the elevator after the meeting? What do they talk about while you’re waiting for a Zoom call to start?

If you want to understand your boss, pay less attention to what he says in the boardroom and more attention to that funny story from his childhood — or the way he talks about his last disagreement with his teenager.

If you’re wondering whether you can trust someone or build a friendship, listen less to their introductions, and more to how they treat the waitress, how they talk when no one’s listening, how they behave when they think it doesn’t count.

And check your own idle words, too.

What do they reveal? What’s bubbling up from your heart when no one’s watching?

We are not judged — by God, or even by the people around us — by how many words we speak. The quiet soul doesn’t get extra credit for being reserved. The extrovert doesn’t get docked for being expressive. We are judged, and known, by the content of our words. Especially when the stakes are low. Especially when our hearts are on full display.

So listen closely — to others, and to yourself. In relaxed or fragmented conversations, people often reveal tone, humor, and deeper values without even realizing it.

Those words?

Those moments?

They’re gold.

Wanna listen? (Mile Markers, Season 1, Episode 1)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2wc1ROEXUkeKpAgEz9H66B?si=R4PpMWQpRuucpvAaeGAXwA