Mirrors and McCoys — Turning Office Wars into Workplace Wins
- Melanie Troxell
- Jul 24
- 2 min read
Updated: Aug 18
My husband often teases me about my Appalachian roots, and I can’t help but laugh. His father used to tell stories about growing up in southeastern Ohio, where he’d cross paths with folks named Hatfield or McCoy—people who still made pilgrimages back to the Tug Fork Valley to visit their homeland. You don’t get much more “mountain folk” than that. (And if you ask me, my sweet, classy husband has a little redneck hiding in his genes too.)
The Hatfields and McCoys are one of America’s most famous stories of disagreement. Over decades, these two families became bitter enemies, fighting, plotting, and seeking revenge—long after anyone could clearly say why. It’s the perfect picture of what happens when small slights fester and grow into something much bigger.
And honestly? It reminds me a lot of workplace culture gone wrong.
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been called in to deescalate a conflict between staff members, I’d be rich by now. You know, it almost always started with something minor—an eye roll, a sharp word, a misunderstood comment. Each side insists they’re peaceful people until someone disrespects them. Then it’s on: “I’m not letting them walk all over me,” or, “I didn’t start it, I just responded.”
What neither side seems to realize is that every little “response” just feeds the cycle.
People are mirrors. They reflect back what you show them.
If you’re sharp with someone, they’re likely to be sharp back. If you roll your eyes, they’ll roll theirs. And before long, you’ve got yourself a little feud brewing on your team—two otherwise reasonable people acting like Hatfields and McCoys, not even sure anymore how it started but fully prepared to dig their heels in and keep it going.
Where does it stop?
Who will be the one to break the cycle, take the high road, and help the team get back on track?
I’ve learned over the years that the fix is simple but not easy: you decide to stop it. You decide to be nice.
It’s not about being a doormat or excusing bad behavior. It’s about refusing to feed the spiral. It’s about showing respect even when it hasn’t been shown to you yet. Most of the time, when you change the way you react, the other person reflects that change right back.
It’s hard to feud with someone who won’t play along.
So, the next time you feel yourself sliding into a tit-for-tat with a coworker, stop and ask yourself:
Who do I want to be in this moment?
What kind of culture do I want to help create?
Am I willing to go first?
Because someone has to. And when you do, others will follow.
People are mirrors. Stop it. Be nice. And instead of a feeding a 160 year feud, you might just help your team bring out the best in each other!
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