Brenda Made Me Do It — A Lesson in Leading Up, Down, and Through

I’m usually the type to say, “Let’s get it done.” Best practices, metrics, progress tracking—I’ve always believed in all of it. I believe in structure. I believe in accountability. But I’ve also learned to value something just as important: staying connected to the team, keeping things human.

That’s where Brenda came in.

Brenda was our CNO—and thankfully, she didn’t mind playing the heavy. When we had to roll out something new or tighten up a process, I’d often sigh and say, “Well, you know how Brenda is…” Not with sarcasm, and not as a joke—just a quiet reminder that the standard wasn’t coming from me. It was coming from above. And that made a difference.

People knew I supported the change, but they also knew I wasn’t inventing it. It was the process. The policy. The structure. It was Brenda. CMS. Risk. Surveyors. TJC. I was the messenger, the coach, the translator. Not the enforcer.

That was the role I had—but also the mindset I was growing into. I was learning that leadership isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s knowing when to step forward, and when to let someone like Brenda set the tone so the rest of us could carry it forward.

And to be fair—Brenda wasn’t just making up rules. She was doing what CNOs are charged to do: bringing best practices forward, leading with high-reliability thinking, and aligning our unit with proven improvement strategies grounded in patient care guidelines. The changes weren’t arbitrary—they were evidence-based. Thoughtful. Strategic. Built around what would serve patients best.

That mattered to her. It mattered to me. And it helped reframe the narrative: this wasn’t “us versus them.” This was us, as a team, doing the hard but necessary work of getting better together.

It might sound like a cop-out, but it was actually a turning point in my leadership. At the time, I didn’t have positional authority—I had influence, instincts, and a growing understanding of how to move people. Learning to leverage the system without alienating the team wasn’t manipulation—it was strategy. It was emotional intelligence. And it was one of the first signs that I was thinking beyond the tasks in front of me.

Most people aren’t looking to fight the rules—they’re trying to make sense of where the lines are. And as I learned, one of the quickest ways to earn trust is to clarify what’s firm, what’s flexible, and why the change matters.

When leaders present new expectations as personal preferences, it opens the door for pushback. But when it’s clearly coming from the system—or from someone like Brenda, who didn’t mind taking the heat—it feels different. It feels inevitable. Even fair. It doesn’t feel like a power play. It just is.

That’s why I never minded saying, “Brenda wants it this way,” or “This is what CMS is looking for.” And I wasn’t alone. My former boss—also one of my best friends—told me recently that she does the same. “Blame TJC,” she said. “It helps.”

She’s right. And it works.

There’s something disarming about saying, “I don’t love it either, but this is what’s expected.” You stay honest, even empathetic, without lowering the bar. You stay close to your team, keep their trust, and still keep everyone moving forward.

Sometimes all it takes is that little bit of distance—Brenda declaring the standard, CMS turning up the heat, and me turning that pressure into progress—to move the team from resistance to action.

I didn’t stay in that role forever—but I took that lesson with me. Because leadership isn’t just about authority; it’s about alignment. Whether you’re setting the standard or helping others carry it forward, the real work is in how you connect people to purpose. That’s not lower-level thinking. That’s leadership that lasts.

🎧 Listen here: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/transformationship/episodes/Brenda-Made-Me-Do-It--A-Lesson-in-Leading-Up--Down--and-Through-25-e36cn74