The Three Questions Every Team Member Is Asking

The Three Questions Every Team Member Is Asking

Do you hear me? Do you see me? Do I matter here?

If you strip leadership down to its core, every team member is quietly asking three questions:

Do you hear me? Do you see me? Do I matter here?

Those questions rarely come out in words; they show up in tone, effort, and how much people trust you. And I’ve learned that it isn’t my statements about valuing people that matter most—it’s whether they actually experience that value on the days when supporting them costs something.

Recently, I lived this out in a way I didn’t expect.

A travel nurse, struggling with performance, filed an HR complaint claiming the team was treating her unfairly. It was one of those moments where leaders feel the sting before the facts even surface. My team was discouraged. Some were angry. Others worried that their professionalism was being questioned. I felt that familiar tension: Do I step back to avoid conflict—or step forward and lead?

So I pulled the records. Every shift. Every documented concern. Every coaching moment. Every offer of support. I walked through the details with HR, not defensively, but with clarity and calm. I advocated for my team—not because they were perfect, but because they were telling the truth and doing the work.

While the complaint didn’t hold, something far more important surfaced:

My team saw me see them.

They watched me stand up for their integrity. They watched me protect their name when someone tried to drag it. They watched me treat the situation with fairness—not with fear.

And in that moment, something clicked for me again:

Being seen by a leader isn’t about compliments, attention, or visibility. It’s about knowing your leader will defend you when the story gets complicated.

Because when leaders stay silent in moments that require courage, people don’t just feel unseen—they feel disposable.

Standing with your team does something to them internally. It answers:

“Do I matter?”

Yes. Enough to protect. Enough to advocate for. Enough to stand beside when it’s easier to step away.

It also answers another question they never say out loud:

“Are we safe here?”

Not safe from accountability — BUT safe from disrespect, gaslighting, and misrepresentation.

Every lasting leader eventually discovers this truth:

Trust is built fastest in moments of conflict, not comfort.

That day, my team didn’t walk away praising my documentation skills. They walked away knowing they mattered—and that I was willing to prove it.

And ever since, I’ve been paying closer attention to those three questions. They show up in body language, in silence, in offhand comments, in the way people breathe when you walk into the room.

People don’t want a perfect leader.

They want a present one.

A leader who hears them.

A leader who sees them.

A leader who reminds them, through action, that they matter.

If you want to change a culture, start here. Answer the three questions—not with speeches, but with choices.

If this resonated, I’d love to hear your own experience. When did a leader make you feel seen—or unseen? Your story might help someone else lead with greater courage tomorrow.

🎧 Listen to the podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/62Goevfb34NzPUvnjerhTd?si=G2Z_zQ8tReuLSJc1YDBPLA