Never Meant to Lead Alone

🎧 Prefer to listen? Listen to Mile Markershttps://open.spotify.com/show/132NgyfsC8H3kJP61eYbTV

“It’s lonely at the top.”

We say it as though loneliness is an unavoidable promotion benefit—a natural consequence of carrying greater responsibility. The higher you climb, the fewer people can understand your decisions, question your thinking, or help carry the weight.

There is some truth in that. Leadership can create distance. Sometimes you know information you cannot share. At times you’ll make decisions others do not understand. You may absorb frustration from several directions while trying not to pass it along.

But what if loneliness is often a leadership reality but not actually a leadership requirement?

The story of Moses shows us a leader with an extraordinary calling—and an equally extraordinary need for other people.

Even Moses Didn’t “Need Nobody”

When God called Moses to go back to Egypt, to confront Pharaoh, to save his people – Moses responded with all the reasons he was the wrong person.

He had been gone for forty years. He questioned whether Israel would listen. He did not believe Pharaoh would take him seriously. He struggled with speaking. He was afraid.

Perhaps surprisingly (to me), God did not answer those objections by suddenly transforming Moses into a man who didn’t need anyone.

He began giving him people. 🥹

Aaron came alongside Moses and spoke where Moses struggled to speak. Miriam became a leader in her own right, helping guide Israel’s worship and collective memory. When the demands of leading the people became unsustainable, Jethro, his father-in-law, challenged Moses to distribute responsibility among capable leaders.

Then came the fascinating illustration of Rephidim.

As Israel fought below, Moses stood on a hill with his (God’s!?) staff raised in his hands. As long as his hands remained lifted, Israel prevailed. But Moses got tired.

He was tired, but that didn’t mean he’d misunderstood his calling. His trembling arms did not mean he lacked faith. No one told him to dig deeper, toughen up, or prove that a strong leader could hold everything together alone.

Aaron and Hur stood beside him—one on each side—and just held up his hands.

Moses was doing exactly what God had called him to do, and his arms still got tired anyway.

The Tribe We Build

I have always been close to my family. My parents, Mike, and my boys have been a steady source of connection and support. That kind of tribe is an extraordinary gift.

My work tribe came later.

As I grew in hospital leadership, I began finding people who could meet me in a different part of my life. These were people with whom I could build a project, wrestle with a complicated organizational issue, or go down a rabbit hole until we understood what was really happening.

They did not replace my family, but they brought a different kind of strength and they filled out my world in a way that I’d been missing.

Every leader needs people who can say:

• “You may be missing something.”

• “Let’s think this through.”

• “I understand why this is difficult.”

• “That burden isn’t just yours.”

• “Your hands are shaking. Let me help hold them up.”

We have to build that kind of community, over time, with trust, curiosity, shared work, honest conversation, and the willingness to let someone see that we do not have every answer.

Your Tribe May Not Work Down the Hall

For many of us, community no longer depends on proximity.

The people I trust do not necessarily work beside me every day. Some may not live in the same city—or even the same state. Yet they are still present when I need perspective, encouragement, expertise, or a truthful question.

A text can interrupt isolation.

A FaceTime conversation can create space to think aloud.

Even a social media community, used wisely, can connect us with resources, ideas, and leaders we might never encounter in our immediate environment. Instead of limiting our tribe to whoever happens to share our building, we can learn from people across the state or around the world.

Technology can create noise, comparison, and false intimacy. But it can also expand the table. We get to choose whether those connections become relationships marked by trust, wisdom, honesty, and mutual investment.

Building a Tribe Requires Something From Us

Leaders sometimes wait for community while continuing to protect themselves from being known.

We want trusted people, but we reveal little.

We want honest feedback, but then we defend ourselves when it comes.

We wish others would help carry the load, but we have become so identified with being dependable that we do not know how to hand anything over.

Building a tribe requires initiative. It may mean sending the first message, requesting the conversation, joining the professional association, attending the gathering, or admitting, “I need another perspective.”

That is part of what makes my connection with FNA so meaningful and exciting. It is an opportunity to meet other people in leadership, learn from their experiences, contribute what I have learned, and participate in a professional community larger than my own workplace.

A network is a list of contacts.

A tribe is made of people who help one another become wiser, steadier, and more capable of serving well.

Look Around

Moses needed Aaron’s voice, Miriam’s leadership, Jethro’s perspective, the elders’ capacity, and Aaron and Hur’s literal physical strength.

Part of becoming the leader Moses needed to be was learning not to lead alone. Leadership did not mean needing those people less.

Perhaps your hands have started shaking.

Perhaps the work has grown heavier than you expected. Perhaps you are surrounded by people all day yet have no place where you can speak honestly. Perhaps you have mistaken isolation for strength for so long that receiving help now feels uncomfortable.

Look around.

• Who helps you think?

• Who tells you the truth?

• Who understands the weight without feeding the drama?

• Who reminds you who you are when the work begins consuming you?

• And whose hands are you helping hold up?

You were never meant to carry every burden, solve every problem, or face every difficult situation alone. Needing others is not the failure of the design.

It is the design.

If you are ready to build stronger leaders—and healthier communities around them—Transformationship Leadership Group offers coaching, leadership development, and practical resources for leaders and organizations committed to growing well together.

#Transformationship